Star Speak, By Ashwiny Iyer Tiwari: Thinking Out Aloud

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Star Speak is an ongoing series of columns, penned by celebrities we are used to seeing on these pages. This is their space to write about their take on fashion, the fraternity and whatever else catches their fancy.

This week’s column comes from Ashwiny Iyer TiwarI who after over a decade long career in advertising, quit her job with Leo Burnett to pursue film-making. Ms. Tiwari is best known perhaps for the movie, ‘Nil Battey Sannata’. Follow the filmmaker on Twitter here and on Instagram here.

Ashwiny Iyer Tiwari

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Thinking Out Aloud

I remember my first frock. A floral one with frills made by my aunt. It took her hardly a week to make this beautiful piece of art. I would call it ‘art’ since anyone who can make something with hand is an artist! As I track all my childhood clothes, I realize it’s mostly made by my mother, aunt or grandmother. There were weekly discussions on what new designs they could learn and what they would try next on me and my cousin. The discarded second-hand magazines like Femina, Savvy which were considered “fashion” and women know-how were saved to make patterns. (The magazines even came with extra supplements during the festive season on ‘how to’ stitch a blouse with a V-neck or a salwar kameez which has kali in it.) They were their own designers and our designers too.

We did not have a point of view even when we were teenagers. Everything they made for us was with love, and we looked our best as we walked wearing a smile on our powdered faces and plaited hair that swayed in step. We were happy. Our mothers were really happy!

No one judged what they wore or what colours suited their shades and tints of skin. No fancy haircuts. No hair colour. No skin treatments or overhauling of the body that needed a reassurance that they needed to look better. The blouses they stitched for themselves (they still do) had a lot of what they felt their personality needed to be. My mother loved puff sleeves. Even today she wears them, her sari a little high. But no one said this is not the way a sari should be worn or her blouse is too tacky! They all wore clothes which suited them. Emphasized their creation and made sure it added to their personality. As I looked through some old photographs of my mother and aunt I saw so much of warmth in an eyes filled with kajal from that green dabba. A faint lipstick or may be just balm or ghee! A glowing skin just like a ray of sunlight passing through the face that cannot match any HD makeup.

No pretense. Just who you are is what you saw! 

Ashwiny Iyer Tiwari

As I watched my 6-year-old daughter staring into the mirror combing her curly hair to make it straight, I hugged her tight. And then heard her say she wanted to be like that girl whose face changes to white. Wonder why we have become so worried about the way we look now? And why do we constantly need a reassurance that we can be better with a few changes. Why is it getting so difficult to be comfortable in our own skin?

I respect my mother and love the way her white hair shines through the sun. I love her freckles which form lines of happiness when she smiles with her tooth which seems to be giving her trouble. I love to see her slip into her crispy cotton sari with a mismatched contrast blouse (one with patch work which she designed with my aunt). Even today she wears her nicely ironed and self stitched blouses with as much confidence as she did in her younger days! The only piece of makeup, a kaajal and a big bindi. No one judged them then and they don’t seem to be bothered now.

Their ideal state of mind was not happiness but tranquility that was to be achieved not by chasing after enjoyable experiences, but by cultivating a kind of calm indifference towards what was happening outside their territory. But today most of us live through delusions about self , of what we would like to portray! The inner mind talks aloud and there is this chaos in the head. But to the outer world, we are all individuals who know exactly how we want to look and feel, no chaos and no doubts.

He said, “Generally, by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all. Because once you are real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand”. 

This ongoing confusion in my head will prevail for years as the head says ‘be that’ and the heart says ‘be yourself’. I would rather choose the latter but am still waiting for my hair to emit those white strands and the true test of my being will arise and in silence I will debate and will be forced to think aloud ‘to be’ or ‘not to be’ myself.

The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud. – Coco Chanel

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15 Comments

  1. wow. the last 4 paras, so true n nice to read.

    this was good article. I guess this section of designers/bloggers/stylists have created ‘look’ ‘style’ conformity. something like this wasn’t there in recent years..

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  2. What a lovely piece!!! My childhood was similar – filled with handmade pieces and so much love. Now I try to do the same for my daughter but am running short of time and excuses.

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  3. Wow, nice. Particularly, what ‘ he says’ – is it a quote from The Velveteen Rabbit? My only wish- a little a bit about yourself and how your style is evolving.

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  4. Loved it – I can relate to the last part. I am standing by my word that I will grey naturally – but time will tell if I pass the test.

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  5. I enjoyed the article, I see that it’s about being true to yourself. I am more of a fashion chameleon, but I do like Ashwini’s style. 🙂

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  6. Great piece; can relate to aunts and mums sewing our frocks right up to high school and swapping our outfits to mix and match! Style for me is ‘comfort’ above all and it seems to be case with Ashwini as well. With the exception of perhaps her shoes, I would probably wear each and every piece in a heartbeat.

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  7. My takeaway from this piece – “by cultivating a kind of calm indifference towards what was happening outside their territory”. It is hard in this day and age, but I will definitely try.

    Siri

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  8. I identify with this article, it pretty much sums up my childhood, my mum stitched my clothes till I was in college, I embroidered my own suits, my clothes had my stamp on them , I was not a clone of anyone else. Now I live abroad and I look at my peers back home and I am amazed at how much time they spend on looking pretty, its superficial, I would rather travel and be a beach bum and live my life rather than document every second of it by clicking a selfie. I am also a full time working mum of twins so who am I kidding, I just don’t have the time or inclination, I am comfortable in own skin , in my grey undyed hair and those tiny laughter lines .

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  9. What a beautiful post… she is a lovely soul. made me happy to read this, thanks for sharing it here. also, how cool is it that her mom/aunts etc. made most of their clothes. that’s quite a unique thing.

    Love these words:
    “Generally, by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all. Because once you are real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand”.

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  10. Hi Ashwiny, I don’t know if you will read this, but I wanted to thank you for making a wonderful film like Nil Battey Sannatta and pls pass my thanks to your husband for making the amazing movie Dangal. Its film-makers like yourselves who show women the way they are – strong, beautiful and capable. So thankyou!

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  11. Such a beautiful piece infused with so much nostalgia. My favorite lines: ‘But today most of us live through delusions about self , of what we would like to portray! The inner mind talks aloud and there is this chaos in the head. But to the outer world, we are all individuals who know exactly how we want to look and feel, no chaos and no doubts.’
    On the outside I may look like I’ve got it all under control but inside I’m a total mess.
    Thanks for posting!

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  12. I could relate to her childhood. To her adulthood, not as much. Infact, I sometimes send my mom trendly stuff because she pulls it off with so much aplomb! That’s also because, for years and years now, the Indian woman has resigned herself to not take care of herself, once they hit the 40 mark and almost will themselves to fall into the middle age/ older lady look, when in truth they are still so young in life. Its wonderful that oflate there is a fashion revolution that is also encouraing the beautiful home maker to also stay true to her self, but eveolve with changing trends in fashion, and in that process take care of themselves to look and feel young at heart. Which I think is a good evolution.

    That aside, Ms Ashwiny, if you are reading this, Nil Battey Sannata was one of the best films Ive watched in a super long time. It had that beautiful Sai Paranjpe feel that no one has quite been able to replicate 🙂 Love you for making this beautiful masterpiece, and full kudos to Swara for making it come to life with her stunning performance. BRAVO!!!

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